Greetings, My Dears,
How are you all doing this fine evening? I wish I could come bearing better news, but I'm, for the lack of a more elegant term... pissed. I'm pissed but then I'm further pissed because I am pissed.
Let me start from the beginning.
This post concerns my amazing, darling, hardheaded boyfriend. He and I have been together for roughly two years. One year and two months straight, which is how long we consider us being together. I just mention for context that we have been together for roughly two years minus around two months, so you know that when I say we truly know each other and have stuck it out through a lot, you understand. Yet this has been extremely difficult on us.Toward the end of the summer, he was working and living with his father while looking into school. However, the issue was, the job made him miserable. He honestly hated it, as to whether that was because it was honestly all that bad or if it was really just how he viewed and reacted to the situation I'm not sure, and frankly, I don't care. After a few months, with my encouragement to do something that would make him happy rather than upset him, he got ready to give his dad his two weeks. When it got time for him to tell him, he couldn't. His father sensed something was wrong and asked him about it, he refused to tell him, they argued, and he decided to go live with his mother in the next city, roughly an hour and a half away. Now all opinions about his mother aside, this wasn't the best option for him. His father and other people who care for him tried to convince him to come back, I focused on supporting him while secret hoping he would listen to them. After a few months of doing nothing besides driving back and forth every week to see family, he had a bit of an awakening due to financial issues. At this point, he took advantage of an offer his dad had given him about working with him again. This irked me because I saw him taking advantage of his dad's kindness, but I didn't worry too much about it. After a month of driving back and forth every day, he was beginning to see that it was obviously ridiculous.
So this leads us to where we are now.
He's moving back on Saturday. Two days to go. Though, I guess something happened with that to prolong it, he didn't actually tell me what it was or how it changed anything, but whatever. Now, as you can see, we've basically made a full loop, and as patterns do, this one as well continued. As you can guess, he hates his job, it's making him miserable. Now he's planning on quitting again. I don't really want to know how this ends up this time. I know he's planning on going back to his fast food job from high school.
He's selling himself short, he always does, he's this great person capable of amazing things. He just needs to work at it and believe he can do it. Just don't tell him that. He'll push you away or find a way to beat himself up about it. This is all irritating and stressful to be honest, but I don't feel like I even have a right to have an opinion on it. So far, the only way it's honestly effected me was that I don't know what's going on with out plans Saturday.
I don't know why it bothers me as much as it does. I think it's mainly because I care for him so much and watching him put himself through this hurts. I'm even more upset that it bothers me because I have no right for it too, as well as the fact that he needs me to support him right now, not be upset with him.
I've been trying to focus on feeding the right wolf and going back to my old self, just in the nature that I was a kinder and better person. This will be a challenge on that.
I'm a bit worried about posting this. Now that Twin has access to this blog, and Twin thinks I should tell him, how do I know Twin won't show him or tell him? I don't want him to know, especially not like this, especially not through this post that has been typed influenced by my opinion and emotions and could be missing a lot of little pieces. I guess that is a risk I run... but I need to get this out. I need to get this somewhere.
-S
"No good fish goes anywhere without a purpose." -Lewis Carroll
